“Day By Day”

As a kid I saw “Godspell” on Broadway. I loved the music, dance, and story. Today I am old and ill. A reader asked what causes me to suffer. I won’t bore you with a long list of illnesses. I suffer greatly with several painful and terminal illnesses. Despite pain medications I am always in pain. At best the pain is managed to level 7 of 10. The average pain level is 9.

I appreciate all your support! I am frequently homebound. Your emails, comments, likes and occasional cards improve my attitude, ease pain and help me feel not alone.

Everyday I wake approaching things with the best possible attitude. At the end of the day I am at the top level of the pain scale. Each morning I also evaluate whether or not I can go on from here. “Day by Day” I choose to live or die.

Healing & Moving

I’m starting to heal from the fall 2 days ago. Black & blue, bruises, cuts, worsening headache and neck pain all contribute to making this fall a bad one. I see the doctor tomorrow (Thursday); I want to ask him about Hospice Palliative Care. There are many things wrong with me; each one of them will end my life. Hospice requires a single illness diagnosis capable of ending my life within the next 6 months in order to qualify for “terminal care.”

My body doesn’t move the way I would expect anymore. When I stand from sitting I need to put my legs against the front of the chair and slowly rise. As I’m standing my legs quiver; I’m never sure whether or not I’ll be standing or falling back into the chair. I no longer can stand without something to lean on. Standing in the middle of a room is impossible; I am guaranteed to fall. Walking happens with a cane or walker. Rising from sleeping requires rollin onto my side, working my feet onto the floor and using my arms as a lever to prop me into position to stand. Bottom line: moving doesn’t “happen.” Moving is a lot of work!

During my last visit with the doctor he told me to: “live life life until you can’t live anymore!” I needed to reevaluate how I live. I’m working on it. I appreciate any suggestions you, my reader, would have on new hobbies I might enjoy given my limitations. Please leave any suggestions in comments. I don’t display comments; feel free to be honest.

Tuesday Was a Good Day

I had a normal day today! Woo Hoo! I was able to successfully manage pain all day today. I set alarms for all medications and for testing blood sugar and treating high blood sugars with Insulin. I’m going to set this up as a “normal” routine and see how it goes.

Monday & Tuesday were Amazon’s Prime sale days. I bought 2 new Echo Shows for free. By trading in the old units and taking advantage of the sale prices I was astounded to find both upgrades were free. I’m already using the Echo Show 5 and like it very much. It’s much smaller than the Echo Show 1 but has major PRIVACY IMPROVEMENTS. The first thing I did was close the camera cover. It’s a manual switch that slides to cover the camera. I’m using this unit as my “alarm clock” so the last thing I need is the camera spying on me. I also automated the flushing of the units browser every 4 hours (this was done with some pretty cool Linux Shell Scripting).

Pain Eased-Up

Monday afternoon the pain started easing-up. The Pancreas calmed down and allowed me to relax a bit. Pain has: physical, emotional, psychological, and social consequences. I haven’t been able to leave the house for 5 days. Add “cabin fever” to all of the other issues.

I don’t know where to go with all these issues. I wish I could have a normal life, do normal things, etc. I can no longer pretend. I can only hope people understand.

Thank you for the comments you leave on the Blog – I can’t express how much they help.